Silly Dances, Farting Noises and Elephant Jokes (Car Part 1)

 So, we are now the proud owners of a slightly used Kia Sedona mini van. We had no intention of purchasing said vehicle but my 10 year old Grand Am had other ideas.

Day -1:

Grand Am began making a slightly unusual squeaking/squawking noise intermittently, much like someone bouncing on a squeaky mattress (get your mind out of the gutter!) Not a terrible sound. Not distressing. Not 'oh-my-god-the-car-is-falling-apart'. Just different than normal. One of those 'let's-see-if-it-gets-worse-or-goes-away' noises.

Day 0:

Grand Am continued to make a slightly unusual squeaking/squawking noise. I drove the Grand Am - through neighborhoods, down a highway at high speeds, off the highway and into a parking lot. So far so good. Then the time came to leave the parking lot. Car started up fine. I pulled out. I turned the wheel to the left. Nothing happened. I tried again. Nothing happened. So I turned right. (I was still in the parking lot - I didn't turn out onto a highway or anything. I'm not that stupid!) Then I tried again to turn left. Nope, not my imagination. This car had no intention of turning left. So, I turned right into another parking spot and called the Hubster. Come to find out after much calling, waiting, towing, wondering, waiting and calling, that the car was entirely rotted away underneath and the only thing keeping my butt from dragging along the pavement as I drove along was the floor mats.

OK, that's an exaggeration, but much of the 'cradle' is apparently rotted away. And apparently the cradle is very important. Not to mention very expensive to fix. Just about as expensive as the car is worth. So, do we put thousands of dollars into a car that is barely worth thousands of dollars? Probably not a good investment.

Day 1:

Grand Am sits in a snowy lot and gathers drifts.

Day 2:

Grand Am continues to sit in a snowy lot and gather drifts.

Day 3:

Off to the car dealership. It went like this:

Hour 1:
Arrive and speak with sales guy. Appease grumpy children with silly stories. Test drive a van.

Hour 2:
Salesman tells us price. We counter. Salesman leaves to talk to his manager. Salesman makes an offer. Tear bored children apart from each other with our bare hands to prevent blood-shed.

Hour 3:
Make counter offer. Salesman goes back to his manager. Salesman makes another offer. Make counter offer. (You see where this is going. This goes on and on and on ad naseaum.) Finally, start paperwork. Appease grumpy children with threats.

Hour 4:
Discuss lunch with kids. Argue about lunch with kids. (Or course they all want something different.) Break for a much needed lunch. Only a few kids break down in tears - three of them I think. Or maybe it was four. I lose count. Almost everyone is relatively happy with lunch.

Hour 5:
Stop at grocery store to pick up peanut butter and crackers for the child who refused to eat at the restaurant. Arrive back at dealership.

Hour 6:
Continue working on paperwork. Appease grumpy children with silly dances, farting noises and elephant jokes.

Hour 7:
Continue working on paperwork. Sit slumped in a heap with glazed over eyes as children run rampant through the new cars, tooting horns, squirting windshield washer fluid and testing out the bouncability of the tires.

Over 7 (yes, that's a 7, aka SEVEN) hours in a car dealership with three children, only about one hour of which involved actually looking at cars. The other 6+ involved waiting, appeasing grumpy children, doing the uber-rediculous 'let-me-be-a-bouncing-ball-back-and-forth-and-back-and-forth-between-you-and-my-manager' routine and endless paperwork. Ugh! It was horrible.

However, despite the major annoyances and the long long long long time it took, the kids were really really awesome. They had the usual arguments and bored moments, but really, considering the situation, they were almost perfect angels. They were at least as patient as I was.

Quack!