Like a Sweet Tasty Cruller a Mathematician Would Be Proud Of

  My hair has a mind of its own. Normally, I don't worry about it too much. I just sigh, shake my head and avoid mirrors. I have long, thick, wavy hair. Sounds nice doesn't it? Brings up images of those hair commercials with beautiful models with shining waves of dark curls cascading down their backs. My hair? Not so much. It's more of a mouse brown with an increasing number of grays mixed in. It tends toward dry and is pretty coarse, so it tries very hard to stick out in every direction at every opportunity.  Fortunately, it is fairly long so it's controlled in part by its own weight. But, it's not all long. I also have bangs - bangs that are not controlled by their own weight, are not controlled by water, or hair care products or gravity.

And recently those bangs have decided to not only schwoop upwards in an alarming manner, but to do so in such a way as to give me the appearance of impending flight. Now, on the plus side, they tend to stick together - that is, when they wildly and erratically bend off my forehead like a leaping gazelle, they do it in a coordinated way - it's like a wave, an orderly sine curve or a standard deviation bell curve - waving off from my head in a way a mathematician would be proud of. It almost looks like I did it on purpose - carefully curled them up off my head like a half of a sweet tasty cruller. But my god! Who on earth would ever do that on purpose?!?!




So, I try to think of the positives:

1. It could be worse. Each hair could be going off on it's own path like a twisting nest of snakes. My nickname could be Medusa. (Whew! Narrowly avoided nasty nickname)
2. When it rains, it acts as an umbrella, keeping my not insignificant nose dry - all but the tip.
3. It gives people something to look at when talking with me. It beats someone staring at a wayward zit, the spinach in my teeth, or the drop of rain water dangling from the tip of my nose.

I tremble to think what would happen if I cut all my hair short - freeing it all from it's own weight.

Quack!