Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Yorked Up Schmootz

  I often frequent the library. It's a great place to get some books, books on CD or music without having to shell out the money. If I really like it a lot, I'll buy my own copy down the road. Well, I know some people are squeamish about getting things from the library because you never know what they've done with them. I mean, really. What is that brown smudge on page 12? And what caused all the moisture damage to chapter 16? And, is that a hair in between pages 42 and 43? I try not to think about it and rarely have I come across anything disgusting.

You can see where this is going, can't you?

Well, I got out a book on CD. And you would think that the worst you could do to a CD was scratch it up so it didn't work right. I've had that happen before and have missed small chunks of a story. But in this case, it wasn't scratched up. It was rather as if someone had yorked up in the box. Every CD was filmy and covered in some sort of schmootz. Now, I exaggerate - it wasn't lumpy, orange, half chewed schmootz. It was more like it had been dropped into a dirty puddle, but in any case, before using any CD, it had to be wiped clean. I shy away from actually thinking about what happened to these CDs. I'm happier in my ignorance. But if I wanted to speculate:

Barf or other bodily fluids?
A short trip into the toilet?
A swim in a swampy mud puddle?
A set of teething rings, perhaps?
A toddler's place mat?

Needless to say, I tired of cleaning each CD and the story wasn't that entertaining so I returned it unfinished. But I must say, although the story wasn't that exciting or entertaining, the speculation about what happened to it certainly was.


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