Collapsing on Stage to Laughter

I am not meant to perform in public. It's just not me. I prefer to remain in the background, well-hidden if at all possible.

But a few weeks back Snickers, Hubby and I got our black belts! As part of the Black Belt Graduation ceremony we had to participate in a demonstration. And not just any demonstration, but a demonstration in front of about 100 people.

In a public place.

On a stage.

With spotlights.

About as far out of my comfort zone as I could be. (In face, I was having flashbacks to my botched kindergarten play where I ended up in tears on stage in front of a laughing audience - scarred for life! But in truth, I don't actually remember that experience, but I've heard the stories. I think I must have walled that unpleasantness off in some far corner of my mind where it would never surface again.)

But in any case, back to the topic at hand. We performed as part of a group and solo. Snickers and the Hubby were fine - relaxed even. And while I wasn't too nervous, I did manage to mess up in just about every possible way (just minor things thank heavens!). But the good news is, I managed to fake my way through it without being too obvious, without falling off the stage and without collapsing in tears on the stage (I have a history of that as I mentioned above). But as Sweet Pea so nicely pointed out, in all the group demonstrations I was about 1/2 step behind everyone else. Oops. Maybe I secretly like to be noticed.

But it's over and done with and as long as I never see any recordings of it I'll continue to think I did just fine.

Just fine.

Quack!

My Muscles Have Memories

Based on the title of this post and the subject of a lot of my recent posts you may think this will be a rambling reminiscence of some point in my past where I fondly recount a memory about my favorite muscle. Well, you'd be wrong. (That's tomorrow's post.)

As you may know, I have an interest in martial arts. I'm currently taking karate classes with my family. Until recently, I was taking Brazilian Jiu Jitsu classes. I've attended some seminars recently on American Kenpo and have had a little bit of training there as well. In addition, many years ago I was into Okinawan Goju Ryu. As part of the Goju Ryu we learned some weapons including a little bit of Arnis (sticks). There was an excellent instructor who had a lot of real life, practical experience and related training and taught us some great stuff!

Well, recently I attended an excellent seminar on Kali (stick fighting very similar to Arnis or Escrima). As part of the seminar we did some knife defense. And let me tell you, even after almost 20 years, my muscle memory was still there. Back in my Goju Ryu days we had spent some time doing drills against a knife attack. It was a lot of repetition - moving to avoid the knife, deflect it and get out of the way mainly. But as soon as we began working on this the other day in the class, I automatically moved the way we were taught years ago. I may not have remembered all the details, but my muscles did.

I ran into the same thing at a Kenpo seminar I went to in October where we did a little bit of defense against a stick. When the stick came down, my body instinctively moved the way I had been taught 20 years ago.

Granted, it wasn't the smooth, powerful, movements of a master or anything. Rather, it was shaky, what-am-I-doing, is-this-right, sort of movements, but the basics were there. The underlying instinctive movement that didn't require concentration (which allowed me to concentrate instead on other things, like - does my hair look OK? and What is that in that man's teeth?)

Muscles are amazing! And somewhat scary. I mean, my muscles have better memory than I do! I hope they don't remember the times I've abused them in the past! Now if only I could get them to remember all the katas I've forgotten from my Goju Ryu days. I would love to be able to do those again! And maybe, if I ask nicely, they can help me with my crossword puzzle.
 
Quack!

Now All She Needs is a Gazelle

   I don't think I have ever moved so much furniture in such a short amount of time.
I don't believe I had that much crap in my bedroom.
I don't believe I managed to stuff so much crap into the spare/computer room.
I didn't think it was possible to stack furniture so expertly.
I don't believe how bare and clean my bedroom is now.

What am I talking about? Well, I have a nice big bedroom with a high ceiling. It now contains a bed, a dresser and a set of shelves. Period. All jammed into the far end. The rest of it is just open space. A huge, empty, yawning space.

A savannah.

A wasteland.

A desert.

A dojo.

Yes. Our very own (small) dojo. Hubby can practice his Iaido, we can practice our katas, we can do our bjj rolling. It's tight - we crash into the walls sometimes, but if we're careful, oh so very careful, we can make use of this space.

We actually considered moving the bed into the closet to make a little bit more space, but that seemed a bit extreme. And by extreme, I mean, more extreme than the craziness we already just did.

But we can always move it back if we decide we made a bad decision or if we end up not using it. And in the process I managed to throw out a lot of old crap that we should have gotten rid of long ago. If nothing else it was good exercise.

And the cat loves the open space. Whenever she gets a chance she sneaks in (it's a forbidden room for kitties) and sprawls out in the middle of the open space, no doubt imagining herself a lion on the savannah. Now all she needs is a gazelle.

Quack!

Like a Koala Bear on a Eucalyptus Branch

So there I was, sparring the other day in karate, and I got a knee in the thigh. I had my leg up to kick and so did the other guy and clash. OK. Not a big deal. Happens all the time. But OUCH! Immediate charlie horse. Just shake it off and get on with things right?

I shook my leg. That horse didn't wanna go.

I shook it again, harder. No luck. That horse was clinging on like a koala bear to a eucalyptus branch, like taffy to teeth, like a toddler to mom's leg, like a wet bathing suit.

Shake shake shake. Nope. That sucker was there to stay.

Give it a couple of days and I'll have a nice big bruise. It will match the one on my knee from my (graceful) fall in the garage and the one on my shin from another clash, and the one on my shoulders from jiu-jitsu and the one on my arm . . . . I'm like a banana. A really really big, old, bruised banana.

Quack!

Byzantium Jujubes or BJJ

So, I attended a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu seminar recently. (I may have spelled it wrong in the post title). I was somewhat hesitant to do so, but hey, learning how to defend yourself in all sorts of terrible situations is never a bad thing to learn. But still, I was hesitant. My reluctance was not alleviated when I stepped onto the workout floor with upwards of 20 large, burly, hairy, heavily-muscled men. I was somewhat soothed by the presence of two women - neither of whom was particularly burly and a handful of teens/tweens and of course, my hubby - who is a large, burly, hairy, heavily-muscled man, but he's MY large, burly, hairy, heavily-muscled man, which is very different than a large, burly, hairy, heavily-muscled man that I don't know.

If this was like the last seminar I attended, I knew we would be switching partners and I wouldn't have the luxury of only man-handling and being man-handled by, my husband. Fortunately, that wasn't the case and the hubby and I were partners for the entire class. (However, I would imagine that if I were to continue studying BJJ I would have to occasionally work with a different partner. Which I am sure would be OK and I'm sure I would get used to it, but there you go.)

In any case, the class went well. I'm not a touchy-feely type person. I usually shy away from physical contact with strangers, acquaintances and those I don't know really really well. My kids and husband get lots of hugs, pats, tickles, bumps, shoves, etc, but other than them, most people are not subject to my touch. But if you are into BJJ, well, physical contact is required. It's not like sparring where you attempt to maintain a safe distance - just close enough to kick someone in the head, or punch them in the gut, then get out. This is a much closer sport - like mashing chests together, wrapping arms around necks and using shoulders to push faces out of the way. it's about 'mounting' or straddling your partner and having them do the same to you. It's wrapping legs around each other and getting very very very close, much like being in a pit of snakes. Sometimes it's hard to tell whose legs are whose - even when some of them are your own.

And while it's all for the sake of learning to defend yourself (or for sport for those interested in that aspect) all that contact with strangers can be somewhat overwhelming. Being a girl I don't have much experience with wrestling despite the fact that I was always a tomboy and grew up with 4 older brothers (and a girly sister :). But all that aside, it was a success and I enjoyed myself. I learned a lot and would like to learn more. I guess only time will tell how far I go with this.

Quack!

Yoga - Not a Complete Waste of Time

  I went to a second yoga class. I documented my first try at it here, remember? So I decided to give it another try.  And my overall conclusion is the very one that you read in the title. "Yoga - Not a Complete Waste of Time".

I said as much after leaving the class. I was trying to express my indifference toward yoga while not completely insulting yoga, the people who enjoy it and all it stands for. In my eloquence (or lack thereof), I'm not too sure I succeeded.

I like yoga. Sort of. It's a challenge - balance, strength, overall fitness, all of that. Absolutely. Focus, relaxation, inner peace. All that good stuff. Really, yoga is great. But I've decided it's just not my thing. At least at this point in my life. You would think I would appreciate the relaxed nature - a big change from my everyday life which is rush rush rush, do this, do that, get it done, crap! I didn't get it all done. Rush rush rush some more. It should be a chance to breathe, to enjoy the challenge, feel my muscles stretching, moving, strengthening, blah blah blah. But I just can't get past the "OK what's next? Let's do the next exercise. I gotta move! I can't sit still! Let me move!" (And I didn't even have coffee before class!)

As I stand in half lotus, breathing deeply, visions of kettlebells and the power and ballistics of the kettlebell moves float through my mind like butterflies in the breeze.

As I bend into a butt-exposing stretch in the silent room, praying no one lets one rip, the sounds of a karate class - pounding music, shouted 'Yessir!"s, kiais and explosive breaths reverberate through my mind like a drum beat.

As I lift my arm in front of me and bend, extending my leg behind, hoping my non-existant cleavage isn't being exposed as I hop and shimmy in an attempt to stay balanced I feel the wind whistling past my ears and feel the wheels upon my feet as I blow down the parkway in my rollerblades like a groom who's late for his wedding.

And then, finally, the class was over. The relaxing stretch and burn was over. The deep breathing was over. The silence was over. I was free. Yes, apparently I completely and utterly miss the point of yoga. I've given up trying to find it. It's elusive, mysterious, out of my grasp.

I was out the door like a shot. Where's my kettlebell? Where are my roller blades? I . . . must . . . move!

Quack!

Reveling in the Glow of Vindication

  So I attended an Aikido seminar at the dojo the other day. For those of you who don't know, Aikido is a martial art centered on the peaceful redirection of your opponent's force. So basically, instead of beating your opponent to a pulp, you redirect their attack in a way that doesn't necessarily injure them, at least not too badly if that's your goal.

For years the hubby has been spouting the awesomeness of Aikido at me. It's not that I didn't believe him - it was more of a lack of knowledge on my part that led to indifference. It just didn't sound that awesome to me. I mean it's a martial art. They are all pretty cool. I did Go-Ju Ryu for many years and it was very awesome - an incredible style of martial arts that I thoroughly enjoyed for many years. I'm doing Kenpo now and that too is awesome. The hubster had experience with Aikido, so that's what he found awesome. I never took the time to find out why he thought it was so awesome. (I know, I can be a terrible wife sometimes.)

Let me tell you, he is reveling in vindication. I came away from that seminar positively, utterly convinced that Aikido is indeed as awesome as he's always told me it was. Not more awesome than other martial arts necessarily, but extremely awesome indeed! Very different than the martial arts I've been exposed to up until now.

The class started out with some basic stretches, many of which are different than we normally do. Aikido involves a lot of wrist movements and joint locks and such so there was a lot of wrist stretching and hand flapping and other movements unfamiliar to those of us that were used to the karate workouts. There were some sideways glances and what-the-heck-is-this expressions, but once we got into the meat of class, it was eye-opening.

I spent two hours getting my wrists twisted and turned. Getting thrown repeatedly to the floor. Throwing others repeatedly to the floor. Falling, rolling, slapping, bending, dropping, and amazingly enough, no screaming. It Was Awesome! It was so awesome that I didn't even mind the fact that the majority of the class was large sweaty men - a big reason why the grappling arts are something I avoid - who wants to wrestle with big sweaty men for hours? Not me thank you very much. My own big sweaty man is big sweaty man enough for me. I don't need to wrestle with strangers too.

But this was just the right mix of taking down your opponent without spending too much time with your face mashed into a hairy chest or your arms wrapped up in a sweaty armpit or worse. The movements were efficient and quick. And when done right, they don't require huge amounts of strength. A plus for a woman.

I must say I've come away with a new respect for Aikido. I wish I had the time and the money to learn it.

And now the hubby can sit and revel in the glow. Vindication is a wonderful thing.
 
Quack!

Attacked With a Sharpie

  As we move up the ladder in karate we need more and more gear. We started out with punches and kicks (gloves and foot-covering), shin guards and mouth guards. Now, we've progressed up to rib gear and head gear, both of which are fairly large. And of course, we need some way to carry this stuff back and forth. With the addition of the head and rib gear, the small bags we were using just weren't going to cut it. So, I went out and got some sizable duffle bags. Since we needed 5 of them, I went for the cheapest bags I could find. So, of course that limited my choices, including color. We all ended up with identical red bags. They have our initials on them to distinguish them from each other, but just to make mine more distinctive and just because this is the way I am, I attacked my bag with a sharpie. Voila!

Not bad. Makes it easier to tell apart from the others now. Maybe I'll decorate them all. Sweet Pea might like porcupines on hers, or bunnies, or peace signs. Snickers might like a Pac Man game board. Doodlebug might like skulls or maybe kittens. The hubster would like zombies, or maybe guitars. Hmmmm. Time to get out those sharpies again!

Quack!

One Cold Ankle

  So, the other day I mentioned the new exercise we did in karate that involved kneeling and grappling. Well, in the heat of the moment I skinned the top of my foot on the floor mats. Not a big deal, just a little bit of skin rubbed off. It happens. But it's one of those things that stings like crazy when it's wet. After my shower the other day it was burning and my jeans were rubbing across the top of it. I finally folded them up on that side a couple of inches. Then I promptly forgot that they were folded up. The rest of the day I kept hearing whispers. It went like this:

Man1: "Why does that woman have one pant leg folded up?"
Man2: "I don't know. Is it a gang thing?"
Man1: "It might be. Watch out for her."

Child1: "Mommy, look at that weird lady. Her pants aren't even."
Mom1: "Don't look dear. She obviously doesn't know how to dress herself."

Teen1: "Hey, look at that! That must be a new fashion."
Teen2: "Quick, fold up one pant leg. We don't want to look like fools. This time we won't miss out on the latest fashions."

I couldn't imagine who they were whispering about all day.

And I spent all day wondering why one ankle was cold.

Quack!

Flying Around Like a Loaf of Bread

 So, in karate class the other day we did this exercise that involved facing a partner with both of us on our knees. Being the only adults in most classes I was paired with the hubster. Usually this is OK. But this particular exercise involved grasping each other's shoulder and trying to slam your partner (gently of course) down onto the mat without getting knocked over yourself. Well, the hubby outweighs me by about 50 pounds and has a year of Aikido that taught him plenty of grappling/throwing techniques. He had a huge advantage. And I knew that going in and was prepared to go flying off in all directions over and over. But let me tell you, that didn't make it any easier. After about 30 seconds I was annoyed. After 60 seconds I was slightly angry, after 90 seconds I was totally pissed off!

Then we got to switch partners. Me and Sweet Pea were paired together. It went like this:

Sweet Pea: Mommy, you look mad.
Me: Grrr! I hate this exercise.
Sweet Pea: Why?
Me: Daddy just threw me around like a loaf of bread. Over and over. Grrrrr!
Sweet Pea: Oh.
Sensei: Go!

And wheeeeee! Sweet Pea went flying across the mat. Like a loaf of bread. Bwa ha ha ha ha!

But really, I was gently on her. Despite my pissed-offedness, I was gentle. She's not bread afterall. She's my little sweet pea.

I hope we don't have to do that exercise often!

Quack!

Crazy, Body-Twisting, Limbs-in-the-Air, Jumping Kind of Push-Ups

Holy cow! I forgot what a real workout is like. I was into karate many years ago. But then I stopped for about 13 years (to get married and have babies and do family stuff). I continued to work out on my own on and off, mostly using exercise videos and working out with my own punching bag.

And now that I'm back into karate it's all coming back. The grueling, long, muscle-trembling, sucking in breath, holy-crap-is-this-ever-going-to-end moments. The endless repetitions of sit-ups/leg lifts/ab work. The endless sets of push-ups of all varieties from regular ol' push-ups right through crazy, body-twisting, limbs-in-the-air, jumping kind of push-ups. The endless sets of punch, jab, punch, jab, punch, jab. The lunges and squats of all varieties, the bag punching, bag kicking, bag holding, can-I-catch-my-breath-now moments.

You never push your self that hard when it's just you. You just don't. It's too easy to get lazy. Even when you don't think you do, you do. I would and did work out until I felt all muscle-trembly. Until my muscles were sore and I felt like I did a good workout. I knew I was not doing enough cardio, but I worked on the strength and flexibility stuff.

But not like this. I had forgotten it. The rivulets of sweat dripping down my temples. The soggy t-shirt and gi top. The oh-my-god-is-that-me hair - wild and crazy and sweaty, the red face and reddened knuckles from bag-punching.

Oh yes. It's all coming back now.

It's so good to be back! 

And since I don't have a picture of sweat, or crazy hair, or reddened knuckles, I'll leave you with this. Because sometimes this is how I feel when I'm done.

Quack!

We're All Yella-Bellies

The entire family is in karate lessons. We signed up a couple of months ago. My husband and I both firmly believe that activity is very important for the kids (and for us), especially in this day and age of TVs, DVDs, computers and the abundance of indoor sedentary activities. So, we signed the kids up. All of them were interested and as a bonus, once you pay for three, additional family members were at no charge so we all signed up. We are all really enjoying it! Sore muscles and all! I was into karate years ago and always loved it. It's really nice to be back. It's a different, but somewhat similar style which makes some things challenging, but fun nonetheless.

And this weekend, the entire fam-damily earned our yellow belts. We're all pretty excited about it. And wow! It was quite a workout! The workout was for all belt-levels - there were people testing from white belt through black. We just happen to be the lowest level right now and had to keep up as best as we could. But we all did well and had fun.

And, while it's exciting to be up to yellow belt, it's also somewhat bittersweet. While we really like this karate school - there are a lot of great people and it's a lot of fun, we were just informed that to continue, we have to join a 'club' and the costs are more than double to continue on after our current contract expires at the end of the summer. We could just about manage the costs as they were. Doubling them is just not do-able. So, come mid-summer we'll be looking for a new dojo. Something with more reasonable costs, but hopefully something fairly close by and something we will enjoy as much. It will mean starting over from scratch again as white belts. :-( But I'm sure we can find something.

And to finish the post off with a picture, last week there was a fundraiser at the dojo for the Make-a-Wish Foundation - a bake sale. Right up my alley! So I whipped up a batch of gi cookies. Very cute and very tasty.

Quack!