Friday, August 10, 2012

Grill Set Nut Tightly! And Let Slip the Dogs of War!

  It seems that lately when we purchase some random household appliance, it comes with instructions that are barely coherent.

For example, some recent instructions warned me not to "pull the cord constrainedly." Whatever you do, don't do that! Or the consequences will be dire. My problem is that I don't know what that means so how can I avoid doing it? That may be the very thing I do each morning as I rise. I have been known to approach the appliances and fondle the cords. Am I doing it constrainedly? I don't know. I just don't know!

And if you were instructed to "loose the set knob" what would you do? I can only assume this one is a typo and it should have read 'loosen the set knob', but what is a set knob? There was no diagram or explanation beyond that phrase. Maybe it means to let it loose, like 'set the knob loose', set it free. If it really wants to be a part of the appliance, it will come back.

And my favorite - how about "secure the rear grill by grill set nut tightly." What?!? I'm so confused! Did Yoda write this? But even Yoda is intelligible. "Grill set nut tightly?" I can only assume it means to tighten a nut on the grill. But what if it means to toss a 'set nut' on the grill and close it tightly while I cook it? Or maybe, or maybe, I don't know. I can't even begin to guess at that one.

But despite that, it wasn't really all that complicated to put it together. I prefer to follow instructions just so I don't end up doing it three times, but in this case I was much better off just going by instinct. Then I didn't have to worry about grilling anything, or setting anything loose and hoping it returned. I just wanted my fan to work!

I'll grill your set nut tightly! And I may even tighten it constrainedly! Watch out!


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