Monday, March 7, 2011

Is That a Dog or a Toaster?

 So I had an apointment for an eye exam today. Nothing special, just a check-up. It started out with the tests involving flashing lights, then reading charts. Pretty standard. Then it progressed to the drops that make your eyes numb. The weirdest part of that was that I could feel them a whole lot more when I (supposedly) couldn't feel them. Maybe it's just me.

Then came the drops to dilate my pupils and I was sent out into the waiting room for a few minutes whlie they took effect. And what could I possibly do in the waiting room as my pupils expanded to the size of quarters? Read? Uh, no. Words were getting fuzzy. Was that a picture of a dog? Or a toaster? Maybe read the literature on eye health? Uh, no. How about look out the window. Gah! Arg! No! Not that! How about stare at the wall and wait for them to come and get me for the next torture test.

Then I was back in the chair and it was time for the blinding bright lights shining in my eyes as they inspected every tiny litle corner of the inside of my eyeball. I was almost successful at not screaming in agony as the blinding brightness shot through my optic nerve directly into my brain. Almost.

Then they let me go. I was free. I happily skipped out into the dazzling snowy brightness of an early March morning. Gah! Hiss! My arm went up over my eyes. I thought my eyes had probably just burst into flames! Vampire eyes!! Must . . . get . . . to . . . the . . . car . . Must . . . get . . . sunglasses! My hands were claws, my teeth were bared. Little children ran away screaming. I heard someone yell for a wooden stake.

And, of course, as is often the way of things, the sunglasses were nowhere to be found. I always have sunglasses in the car. Always! And often I have a spare pair in my purse. But nope. None to be found. (cursing ensues).

Let me tell you that drive back to the office was an experience. The actual drive was (thankfully) pretty uneventful. But by the time I got back my head was throbbing, and my whole face was cramping up from the constant major squintitude I had to do all the way home. Doctor said my eyes were in great shape. But that was before the drive home.


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