Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Don't Let the Seductive Aroma of Vanilla Drown Your Common Sense and Chocolate Intentions.

Vanilla is one of those sneaky flavors that usually goes unnoticed. It's not a coincidence that 'vanilla' is synonymous with 'plain' or 'boring'. That's exactly what vanilla wants you to think. But in reality (in my reality anyway - your mileage may vary), vanilla is very sneaky and underhanded. It likes to slip in unnoticed, then slowly spread it's vanilla tendrils out, burrowing it's way in under the radar unnoticed until it's entwined so deeply that it's too late to extricate it, like some strange taste-snatching alien. It will often also rely on devious tactics to win out over other stronger flavors. Let me try to explain.

The other day at the grocery store they were having a special where if you bought a certain cut of (outrageously overpriced) meat, you could get all sorts of free stuff - like potatoes, carrots, rolls, soda and cake. We thought it was a good enough deal (or maybe we were just sucked in by the slick advertising) that we went to that store and participated.

For the sake of this post I will be discussing the cake options. Said cake came in several varieties - 
1. Vanilla with vanilla frosting and sprinkles
2. 'Golden' with chocolate frosting
3. Alternating layers of chocolate and vanilla with chocolate frosting
4. Chocolate with chocolate frosting.

Now, normally I would be all over the chocolate on chocolate on chocolate on chocolate. It's just my nature. Or so I thought. But much to my surprise, astonishment and utter disgust, the vanilla cake with vanilla frosting and sprinkles looked delicious! Ugh! I know. Vanilla! Sacrilege! An insult to the food of the gods!

Even the thought of choosing vanilla over chocolate is inconceivable! That's going too far! Way too far! But I blame it entirely on vanilla itself. The vanilla cake was the ONLY ONE with sprinkles. Do you think that's a coincidence? No! No it is not! The sprinkles were designed to dazzle with color and sparkle - a pretty array of pastel circles dotting the top. They were so pretty. Like a party on top of the cake. Who can resist? It's the only way the vanilla had any chance of coming out ahead of the chocolate.

Doesn't this look deceptively delicious?

Thank the chocolate gods that Sweet Pea knocked some sense into me and we came home with the second-most chocolatey variety. I don't regret the decision. I only regret that I momentarily considered the vanilla. It's a step in the wrong direction I tell you! A slippery slope! Had I succumbed it would only be a matter of time before I was repeatedly overwhelmed by the seductive aroma of vanilla, drowning out my common sense and chocolate intentions. Vanilla is sneaky that way. It slides in almost unnoticed, wafting into your nostrils before shooting straight up into your brain and covering your chocolate receptors like marshmallow covers Rice Krispies - a thick, impenetrable coating that can never be properly separated again. It was a close call. A very close call.

Next thing you know I'll be eating vanilla Oreos! Wait. Vanilla Oreos? Oh no! Noooooooo!


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