I Live in a House Made for Short People

The other day I ranted about sleeve length. Today I'm going to complain about my house. These may not seem related, but I suspect they are. I am tall. Being tall means I have long legs, long arms (but NOT ape arms!) and a long torso (bathing suit shopping is quite a challenge!) Being tall means that some things that are placed at a reasonable height for average people (but who's average, really?) are too low for me. Let me explain. We have a chandelier in the dining room (also known now as the guinea pig room - that's where we keep their very large cage.) As you may suspect, this chandelier hangs over the table. Now, the table is not dead center - the room is stuffed so full (a table and 4 chairs, a piano, a china cabinet, coat hooks, small chest of drawers, cabinet, huge guinea pig cage, book shelves and a decorative table. Wow!) that the only place to put the table is off-center. So the chandelier is toward the end of the table. Most people can lean in to reach something off the table safely. Not me. Every single time I try, Bang! Chandelier to the forehead! Ditto the lamp which hangs over the kitchen table. And god forbid that the table is moved for some reason! Without fail my forehead will notice by clanging into the light. Ouch!

Everyone else in the family can walk right under it without ducking. If I try - Bang! Right in the forehead! It's happened enough in the kitchen that I finally raised the lamp a few links on the chain. But it even happens occasionally with the range hood. I lean in to grab something and Bang! Corner of range hood, meet my forehead.

And mirrors! Oh mirrors! I have one of those low dressers with a nice big mirror on the back running the length of the dresser. The only problem is, if I stand to look in it the top of my head isn't visible. I have to squat if I want to see the top of my head or to comb my hair. We also have a full length mirror on the wall. It was there when we moved into the house. Same problem. I'm cut off at the forehead. I would have moved it up, probably should have moved it up sometime in the last 12 years we've been in this house, but I never did. But that's actually a good thing sometimes. You know, after I've had a run-in with a chandelier for instance. I can see all of me except the bruises on my forehead. It really works out great! See, I just need to look at the positive side of things.

Fortunately, the mirrors in the bathrooms are sufficiently high. But if you see me and my hair is all crazy, but the rest of me looks normal (or at least as normal as I get :-)), there's a good chance I only looked in the bedroom mirrors and thus, missed what my head looked like. On the days when I check it in the bathroom mirror my hair is excellently coiffed! Really!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about being tall. Quite the contrary. I love being tall - always have. I can reach high things without a stool, I can look down on short people :-), I'm among the first to know it's raining. What I'm really complaining about is that my house is made for short people! (Nothing against short people of course. I married one after all ;-) It's just that I'm tall. I should have a tall house.

Quack!